My Thoughts on Pornography [video]

As an adult sex and pleasure educator and relationship coach, I’m often asked about my thoughts on the adult entertainment industry. Well, in a sense, I work in the adult entertainment industry! Alas, Pornography – Are you Pro or Con? is the subject of my latest video. See if you can follow along as I go back in forth between the pros and cons of the adult entertainment industry. [Please note: the content is not graphic and is age-restricted by me simply for the subject matter.]

4 Comments

  1. Very interesting video. As a parent, I’ve often thought and worried about my son growing up in this hyper-tech age. I completely agree, coming from a shame-based approach is not going to work. My husband and I have had many talks about this and plan to have many conversations about sex with our son as he grows up (what is healthy versus unhealthy).

    I do, however, have to disagree about porn being healthy. I am not going to judge someone for using pornography, but I would hope they are aware of the damaging effects like pornography being linked to sex trafficking, watching real rapes and “getting off” to that, being addicted -because I’ve seen it, it’s true, pornography addiction is real and it’s absolute hell for the suffer and the partner of a sufferer. If they are aware of the dangers of pornography and continue to use it, at least they are aware.

    I think when it comes to porn, the key is being aware, open, educated, and honest about it. Some couples don’t mind it, and others do. When it comes to addiction, that’s a whole other beast to tackle, which if you’ve ever checked out NoFap, you will see the destruction it causes.

    Also to what you said about “if men didn’t have these types of fantasies then these films wouldn’t be made” I have to say I am not sure if I 100% agree with that…. there are some very extreme, brutal, abusive porn videos out there, and porn does objectify women, it turns them into objects. I am not sure if hundreds of years ago men wanted to cum on women’s faces, or wanted to have the women perform deep throat oral to the point of crying, puking, and them forcing them to lick all of that up from the floor while being called degrading terms (it’s called facial abuse, it’s an entire genre of porn). I think a lot of the more abusive/extreme/gonzo types of pornography were not necessarily a man’s “natural fantasy” but rather was pushed on men through the porn industry/society as the objectification of women intensified. Porn is about mens domination of women in most video’s, it’s about feeding the man’s ego… which is sad. Sex should be about intimacy, mutual pleasure, fun, and safety.

    I agree that there is “ethical porn” out there, but that goes back to the addiction aspect. If you’ve ever looked into the neuroscience of porn addiction, the porn video has been called “visual crack cocaine” of this generation. There is a reason the number of 18-25 year-old​s​ have been going to the doctor for erectile dysfunction. Normal, healthy men at that age should not be suffering from erectile dysfunction, and when they go to the doctor and rule out low-T they often have to face the consequence that porn has desensitized them to real people and thus, they cannot actually have sex.

    The thing is, it’s hard for a viewer to ever know who is consenting to sex. There have been porn performers who got out of the industry to tell stories of them being held at gunpoint by the directors to finish the video and perform the changes the director pulled on the actress/actor last minute. I think the “ethical porn” is a safer bet to watch if someone were to watch porn rather than the tube sites given there aren’t as many restrictions and well now anyone can submit their own homemade video’s to some of those sites…

    To address the point of rape and porn, in my eduation I’ve written a lot about the topics of rape and sexual assault, and in my paper, I quoted a study by Foubert, Brosi, and Bannon on their study about porn and rape: “this study showed the strong link between men’s viewing pornography and behavioral intent to commit sexual assault. Furthermore, when men view sadomasochistic and rape pornography, their danger to females increases concurrently. Using these two types of pornography makes men significantly more likely to report intent to rape, stronger beliefs in rape myths, a decreased willingness to intervene in a potential sexual assault, and a lower sense of efficacy about intervening in a potential sexual assault situation” (Foubert, Brosi, & Bannon, 2011, pp. 227).

    Foubert, J. D., Brosi, M. W., & Bannon, R. S. (2011). Pornography viewing among fraternity men: Effects on bystander intervention, rape myth acceptance and behavioral intent to commit sexual assault. Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity, 18(4), 212-231. doi: 10.1080/10720162.2011.625552

    Forcible rape might have gone down, but non-consentual rape is the problem these days. Forcible rape means a weapon is present, the rapist uses their body to hold the victim down, uses a threat (whether that’s a weapon or verbal) to make the victim complient. Non-consentual rape definition is where there is a lack of consent and the rape is not about force being present. Given the pornography industry shows men convincing women to have sex (manipulation, coercsion, aka rape) that might be why we have seen more non-consentual rape issues versus forcible rape. The number one date drug is Alcohol. Alcohol is used to make victims compliant, so no force is necessary. The problem with porn is, porn reduces women to objects, and when a person becomes an object, that person is more likely to be treated as less than human, thus rape (of the non-consentual defintion) is more present. Just something to be aware of and think about.

    When we talk about statistics, we need to think about definitions, like was the definition “forcible rape” or “non-consentual rape” or did it include both. We also have to be aware that most rapes that are reported (and rape is one of the most underreported crimes) are not pursued and “counted.”

    I commend you for tackling such a tough and controversial subject though! Lots of people are very scared to broach this topic, so kudos! I always enjoy seeing people tackle the subjects that most shy away from.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. “Sex should be about intimacy, mutual pleasure, fun, and safety.” You hit the nail smack dab on the head there, Savvy. I think that as more women come to the fore of the adult entertainment industry as well as the adult pleasure industry, we will find more and more “ethical” options for people who enjoy erotica VS. porn.

      I agree wholeheartedly that, especially with the advent of #metoo, more and more survivors of rape are coming forward with their stories — which is why I mention my hope for more realistic stats.

      As always, I thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts and wisdom.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much, Mr. Teemley for your thoughts and for sharing Westen’s article concerning the link between the two. I am sincerely honored by your graciousness.
      As I pointed out in my video, I wrote an entire thesis on “Pornography: Theory to the Practice of Rape.” My point is that now that more women (especially self-identified feminists and queer womxn) are entering the adult entertainment industry, an entirely new genre of “ethical porn” is being explored.
      In the article you share, Dr. Hines reiterates my very point about how dangerous it is that pornography is replacing legitimate sex education in America — which is not only preposterous, it’s alarmingly malignant. Another reason I speak out constantly about the need for adult sex education.
      It also segues into my personal Libertarian-leaning political views about the desperate need for laws that ensure a safe, sane, and consensual sex working environment; however, as I am not a political blogger, per se, I typically do my utmost to steer clear of politics in general in my writing and video commentary.
      Again, I am so honored by your thoughtfulness in taking the time to comment and share your views — which actually reflect my own dilemma and reservations when it comes to the subject of pornography.

      Liked by 1 person

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